Unrestricted View

"Lou is not talking about mechanics when he goes out to the mound,"
~Chicago Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Graham, Could You Please Explain This

"Something odd" might have been an understatement.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Who's In Your 5?

Jon Heyman of SI.com recently wrote an article in which he asked 14 baseball experts (GM, Assistant GM, scouts, etc.) to list the five players they would select to build a championship team around now and in the future. Since I know more about baseball than these experts (whoever selected Yadier Molina should be fired), I'll give you my five, in no particular order.

Johan Santana

At 28, he's not a youngster anymore, but he's still got 6-7 good years in front of him. He also happens to be the best pitcher on the planet, and it's not all that close. Every team needs an ace and a lefty. In Santana, I get both.

Jake Peavy

Here's my second and final starter. In my opinion, Peavy is the second best pitcher in baseball, and he just turned 26. His park and his league inflate his numbers a bit, but you can't argue with 3 of 4 sub-3.00 ERA years. Last year's numbers were more a result of injury than anything. Now I have two horses to ride throughout the regular season, and 1-2 punch that makes you the favorite in any playoff series.

Albert Pujols

It kills me to take a first baseman, because that's generally one of the easiest positions to fill, but I just can't pass on the best player in the game. Pujols is a near lock for an 1.050+ OPS and will anchor the middle of the lineup day in day out.

Joe Mauer

Here's where I go for the up-the-middle positions that are so difficult to get good offense from. Even with the recent influx of good catchers in the game, there's still only about 10 teams that have hitters with any kind of stick to speak of. In Mauer, I get a 24 year old catcher with an above .400 OBP and an amazing ability to control opposing teams' running games. He's simply one of hte most valuable players in today's game, and while his knee worries me a little, he can still be moved to 2nd base and provide nearly the same value. Having a catcher like Mauer definitely gives me a leg up on the rest of the league.

Jose Reyes

It pains me to leave Grady Sizemore off this list, but center field is an easier position to fill than short stop. Reyes give me a quintessential lead off hitter, speed on the base paths, and above average defense for a premium position.

Honorable Mention

Grady Sizemore
Miguel Cabrera
Justin Verlander
Jonathan Papelbon
Alex Rodriguez

Who's in your Top 5? Leave them in the comment section.

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Four In A Row

(AP Photo/Jerry Lai)

Nice. Just when you thought the Cubs blew another game with one more shoddy performance from the bullpen, the O pulls is out, and the Cubs come away with a much needed come from behind win. Not only that, but it's Alfonso Soriano who provides the game winning hit. Nice way to put the wrap on the ol' Player of the Week chops. He only got one hit on the day, but he definitely made it count.

As I was watching the game on MLB.tv, I thought, as many Cubs fans most likely did, that the game was over. Up 8-3 in the ninth inning, I was wondering what game to watch next. Then, as only the Cubs can do, they proceeded to give up six runs in the top of the ninth without registering an out. Once again, it was Scott Eyre and Bob Howry who allowed the runs. Now, to their defense, Eyre was trying to last 2 1/3 and Howry just got the save last night, but it still broadcasts from the top of the mountain what the Cubs need desperately, and that's another bullpen arm. Now, the pitch Bob threw for the final three run homer was not a bad pitch, but it was a good thing nothing throw-worthy was close to me as the ball landed a few rows deep in the Wrigley Field bleachers.

But, somehow, someway, the Cubbies actually made it up in their half of the ninth this time. Thanks to a botched play by Matsui at 2nd, the Cubs stayed alive, and Soriano came through with a little single to shallow right to score Jones and Hill to win the game for the Good Guys. Oh, there's joy in Wrigley tonight. Might be a few people late for work in Chi-Town tomorrow morning.

With D Lee about to hit the pine with his suspension, the Cubs need to win as many games as possible right now. To win game one vs. an extremely hot Rockies team sure starts off the series with a bang. Especially considering they came back from the dead to do it. Whew. Let's try and save the heart-attacks from happening next time, OK?

How about the 5-5 night by Fontenot? A rookie hasn't done that since, hmmm... Oh yeah, Theriot last year. I'm liking this Bayou Connection. Aramis made a few good plays on D as well, which is a nice way to play his first game back at the corner. I'm liking it. If the Cubs can win this series, and sit just two below .500 with signs seemingly pointing in the right direction, I'm liking their chances to make something after this season after all.

Then again, maybe that's enough Kool-Aid for one night.

Go Cubs!

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Elijah Dukes Is Sane, Logical

Why do I love talk radio? Because it gives Elijah Dukes a medium to spread his infinite wisdom. Some highlights from the transcript:

"I know if I stayed with her I'd physically be in prison because she provoked me by hitting me, " Dukes said. "She done hit me across the head with a picture frame and everything. I hate that because I told my kids I would never go back to jail for no domestic violence."

My dad told me the same thing when I was 7, but then my bitch of a mother had to go and overcook the meatloaf. What choice did my pops have but to beat her senseless with a scolding hot iron? It's been a tradition of my sister's and mine to take a slice of perfectly cooked meatloaf to Thanksgiving visitations ever since.

"How many times have I ever shot someone?" Dukes said. "How many times have I ever stabbed someone? How many times have I gone to jail for brutally beating someone? Never..."

I've done some really bad things to some really good people in my life, but in my defense, I have never--NEVER--forced a little old lady to perform oral sex on a puppy before throwing both of them into a wood chipper. (Or at least the statute of limitations has long since expired.)

Dukes also admits that he "did something one time" with the 17 year old foster child in his step-grandmother's house. Call me naive, but I don't see any harm in playing a little game called Just The Tip. And for all we know, "did something" could mean "baked cookies for homeless children," and "one time" could mean "every other Thursday." Now, in that context, is Elijah Dukes such a bad man?

His mother, Phyllis, called the station after Dukes spoke, defending her son from accusations of fathering more children by pointing out: "I can say I'm pregnant from Carl Crawford, okay? And you know that's hearsay."

I have never claimed to be a responsible journalist, so, in as much, I stopped reading after after the word, "okay."


Carl Crawford knocked up Elijah Dukes' mom.* This story just keeps on giving.

*may or may not be true, but most likely is

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Bye Bye Barrett

The worst kept secret in Chicago, Michael Barrett has been traded. The destination, however, was a question, and the answer is San Diego. The frickin' Pads. Great. Funny how the comments are he's reunited with his ex-Cub pitcher Greg Maddux. Ummm... Yeah, you mean the Greg Maddux he didn't catch for? Greg had his own "personal" catcher, our boy Hank, meaning, Mike, you can't call a game.

Good luck in San Diego. He's on pace for a career high in home runs. Maybe he'll slap one or two right away and get some support, but who cares. What's important is Lou and Jim got rid of a clubhouse problem, did it quickly, and got a decent return for him.

Who's Rob Bowen (besides a guy with a really goofy bio pic)? He's about five years younger than Barrett to start with. This year, Bowen's hitting .268/.371/.439 with 2 HR, 11 RBI, 13 BB, 28 K in 82 AB. Michael hit .256/.307/.427 with 9 HR, 29 RBI, 17 BB, 36 K in 211 AB. I'd call that even. If fact, I'd lean toward advantage Cubs, considering the recent clubhouse problems surrounding Mr. Barrett, and that the Cubs also landed a 19 year old Minor Leaguer, Kyler Burke. Who is Burke? He's hitting just above .200, is a lefty who can't yet hit lefties, so don't expect to hear his name again for a few years (if ever).

But, the point being, they didn't do what the Old Idiot Cubs would have done and bury their head in the sand, act like there isn't a freakin' pink elephant in the room. And, to make things worse, they then would have let Michael walk into free agency without getting a damn thing for him. This time around, they actually got some goods for him, and I think they did a good job, especially considering the whole league knew they had to deal the guy.

Bye Bye Barrett. Adieu, Adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Go Cubs!

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Monday, June 18, 2007

Monday Madness

With the Cubs losing 2 of three from the dreaded Padres, and about to lose Derrek Lee for five games or so (it's official: Five Large), my Cub Joy rating is at about 0.32, which may or may not have been the BAC of many Cub fans the last two days. The outlook of the Cubbies scoring runs is mighty bleak with D Lee and E-Ramis out of the lineup. When your cleanup hitter is Barrett with his .252/.305/.427, you know things just aren't right.

How about the U.S. Open? Oakmont is downright crazy. I couldn't finish that course with three cases of balls in my bag. Who is that smoking fool Cabrera? As I heard on The Dan Patrick Show this morning, Cabrera had the week of his life and won vs. Tiger, who had a mediocre week, by only one stroke.

US Soccer (yes, US Soccer) is in the semifinals of the CONCAFF Gold Cup. The US beat a tough Panama team 2-1, raising their record to 3-0-0 and getting them into the Semifinals on Thursday, when they'll take on Canada in ChiTown at 6pm CST. Mexico takes on Guadeloupe in the other Semi at 9pm. If US plays Mexico in the finals on Sunday, my place of work will be out of it's mind that night. U-S-A.

The Astros get their first sweep of the season. Where did that offense come from? Mike Lamb and his .733/.867/1.333 over the last four games surely spikes the punch a bit. He has more RBI's over that span (10) than he did the 50 games before that (7). A Grand Salami sort of helps that stat along. The 'Stros scored 24 runs during the sweep of the Mariners, four more runs than they managed during their recent 10 game slide.

Sam Perlozzo is already out as the Baltimore Orioles manager. Seems he finished his brief tenure with the O's with an eight game losing streak. At home. Nice way to go out. Rumors have Joe Girardi taking the job, with Andy MacPhail being the new GM in B-town. Figures, a couple more ex-Cubs sent to a division in which they have no chance of winning. Good Luck.

In NHL news, bwaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaa. Just kidding.

Tommie Harris made some waves by saying he'd like the Bears to have Donovan McNabb as his QB. Ummm.... What's the problem? Duh?! First, nearly every NFL team wouldn't mind having Donovan on their team. Secondly, anyone see the implosion of one Rex Grossman in the little thing called the Super Bowl? Get over it Rex. Prove us all wrong. 'Nuff Said.

Can Marshall, Marquis and Lilly get it done in Texas? I say yes. Well, yes as in two out of three and taking the series. We'll find out starting tomorrow.

Go Cubs!

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Saturday, June 16, 2007

Fight at Wrigley

The Confines weren't so friendly today, as both benches cleared after Padres starter Chris Young hit Derrek Lee up near the head in the bottom of the fourth inning this afternoon. While the home plate ump was chatting with the Padres catcher for some reason, the aforementioned players decided to get it on about 45 feet up the first base line. D Lee seemed to be saying something to Young, Young said he didn't mean to do it, Derrek said, "yeah, right" and then the punches were flying. Or something like that. In the ensuing brawl, Jake Peavy did enough sucker-punching to get tossed as well as the two combatants. Guess Peave meant what he said in the paper about hitting someone. Thought he meant with the ball, but whatever.

Here's the rub: Derrek is now going to be suspended for a while. With the Cubs already without Aramis Ramirez, the prospect of losing their best hitter, one of the best hitters in MLB, does not paint a rosy picture. Great. Now who plays first? DeRosa? Do the Cubs then recall Ronny Cedeno? Cedeno for Lee doesn't scream "Offense". More like "Offensive". Maybe Ward will be ready to come of the DL after the weekend.

Zambrano almost got thrown out with his involvement in the fight, but he never got to a Padre. He got tackled by four or five of his teammates, trying to keep him in the game. Those guys saved a couple of Pad's from a trip to the ER. Right Mike?

But, if there is a silver lining, hopefully Peavy gets tagged for a couple of games. Young and Peavy going down seems almost even with Lee plus hitting coach Gerald "Gladiator" Perry. GP sure likes to throw down, doesn't he?

Alright, back to the game. Carlos just got his second inning-saving DP in a row, so I'm off to watch the remainder.

Go Cubs!

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Friday, June 15, 2007

These two men are the reason we traded for Jason Jennings. I hate them and i hate Tim Pupurra! That is all.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

Ichiro Is Into Self-Mutilation

This may be one of my favorite athlete quotes of all-time.

The Mariners were clearly not thrilled with the detour before opening a three-game series against the Chicago Cubs on Tuesday.

“To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to,” Ichiro said through an interpreter. “If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”

Ichiro went on to add, "And tell that fat fuck Drew Carey that if he even tries to get fresh with me, I'll kung-fu chop his ass right in the jugular."

Keep a look out for the Lil' Bow Wow diss track of Ichiro. Special Guest: Bizzy Bone.

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Chad Johnson Is, In Fact, Hung Larger Than A Horse

(courtesy of USA Today) I hope that covers my legal obligations.

It's a well known fact here at Unrestricted View that Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco is the most awesomest man in the world. It's a lesser known fact that I have a Chad Johnson Fathead plastered to the wall of every room in my house. (Are you judging me?)

Noting that Joe Mauer was rapidly becoming my Number One Man-Squeeze, Johnson took it upon himself to regain the title by racing a horse.

And, of course, he won. To be fair, CJ was given a 100m head start in the 1/8 mile race, but anyone who discredits his accomplishment because of that is probably a racist. I don't play the race card often, but if you bash Chad Johnson, I'll toss it around all willy-nilly.

Johnson's ego is well documented, so it should come as no surprise that he's not willing to stop at equestrian racing.

"Floyd Mayweather, you're next," Johnson said. "I want to fight you. I'd like to take Kobe and LeBron one-on-one. Jeff Gordon, we can take a couple laps."

Yeah, yeah. But can you out-eat Kobayashi?

Or how about a game of Beer Pong with Billy Marks?

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Friday, June 08, 2007

Bench Jacque Jones

(AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh)

Just asking, which of these guys would you want playing right field for you?

Player A: .306/.364/.423, 4 doubles, 3 HR, 23 RBI, 9/19 BB/K in 111 AB
Player B: .236/.298/.333, 9 doubles, 2 HR, 18 RBI, 14/26 BB/K in 174 AB

Add the fact that Player B throws like my grandpa after a few glasses of Beefeater, and you understand the title of this post. Why the hell is Lou Pinella playing Jacque Jones over Cliff Floyd? They're both lefties, one with power, one who sucks eggs, and only one has a chance in hell to hit a lefty, who, coincidentally, the Cubs are only 5-10 against.

Here's the numbers on that little stat: In JJ's nine years in the Bigs, he's only hitting .227/.275/.348 against the southpaws. For the mathematically challenged, that's about as good as Shaq's free-throw percentage. OK, his career free-throw percentage is actually .525. Whatever. As Matt told me the day the Cubs greatly overpaid for that hack, Jock looks plain stupid vs. da lefties. Ugh.

In comparison, Cliff's numbers against left-handers are .273/.331/.465. Hmmm... Wonder who'd I'd rather be playing on a regular basis. Please look back up at this year's stats for further discouragement. Isn't Sweet Lou's philosophy that if you hit, you play? Jock must be quite the personality then, because his stats don't scream out playing time to me. Neither does his -2.7 VORP. I know, I know, the Cubs are actually trying to trade Jones, and Cliffy has some cartilage problems in his ribcage, but I'm just pissed the team is at this position to begin with. Matt Murton is a better alternative than the Jockster. Would you rather have a threat hitting after Lee and Ramirez? Or Barrett's .239 or JJ's woe-is-me? Seems simple enough. At least when the baseball mind is actually kickin'.

(Did I just say that? What a dork.)

Speaking of Michael "Nobody Loves Me" Barrett, this is a terrible time to go through his worst plate discipline of his career. To say he's pressing is like saying Paris Hilton has had a few boyfriends. If he doesn't get his head out of his ass, his days at the Friendly Confines are certainly numbered. This season (.239/.293/.400) is so far below his career numbers (.266/.324/.430) you'd think he'd turn it on, but with the extenuating circumstances, he could be going to another squad by Aug 1st. Wait, no they're not. He's done. Especially when you add in Carlos Zambrano would rather have Koyie Hill (.083/.214/.083) in there than Barrett. Maybe Big Z figures he's hitting better than them both (.296/.296/.444), so what the hell. Think the Indians would part with Shoppach? Too young for the Cubs to go after. Or for the Indians to give up. The Northside Brass is much better at wasting $5.33 mil per like they are on JJ. Or the $4 mil per they are on Barrett. Michael's contract is up after this year, so I hope they at least get something for him in lieu of the ol' Cub Fave of letting the man walk for nothing.

On the positive side, how about Rich Hill's last start? Dig it. Matt was probably torn between watching him school the Braves for eight innings and being glad his fantasy team was on it. Knowing Matt "John Galt" Resell, I'd put money on the fantasy team. Gotta love that nine pitch (eight for strikes) ninth inning by Ryan Dempster as well. Someone buy those guys a cold one.

As a Cub fan, I'm happy as a pig in shit that the Cubs won the series with the Brew Crew and then started off the four game trek through Hotlanta with a W. Oh yeah. They might even sniff .500 again sometime soon.

Or, maybe not.

Let's just start by putting that Cub flag over the frickin' Redbirds.

Weee're Waaiiting!

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Random Musings

Did anyone watch the MLB Draft today? Talk about a snooze fest. I kept praying for a testing of the Emergency Broadcast System. I know that Selig is jealous of how big of an event the NFL Draft is, and he'd like to duplicate, but it's just not gonna happen. With the NFL, you know quite a few of the players, and all the players drafted you'll see the next year. Not so with baseball. Half the kids are high schoolers. Nobody watches enough college baseball to be familiar with even the best of those guys. And to top it off, most of the draftees will never set foot in the big leagues. For the ones that do, you get to wait half a decade. Sorry Bud, this ain't gon'work!

The NBA Finals may prove to be the only thing more boring than the MLB Draft. Even LeBron's mom put $20 on the Spurs. I don't even watch much basketball anymore and I still knew the "real" Finals took place 3 weeks ago when San Antonio beat Phoenix.

Hand me my plate of crow. It looks like Hunter Pence was ready for the bigs this year. I knew he'd be a good player eventually, but I thought he still needed a year at AAA. Looks like the NL ROY race is between him and Lincecum. Chris Young could sneak into the picture though.

Miami is going to trade or release Daunte Culpepper before the weekend is over. Oakland seems like a good fit, and they've expressed interest in him before. Jamarcus Russell could sit for a year and learn from Daunte. Just two years ago he was an elite quarterback. If that knee is right, I don't see why he couldn't be a quality starter again.

Astros fans continue to talk about trading for Jarrod Saltalamacchia, but I just don't see it. First, I don't think the Braves are going to move him. I know McCann is blocking him behind the plate, but they can stick him at first to help provide some of the offense the team will lose when Andruw Jones leaves. I've heard whispers of trying him in left also. But even if they are going to deal him, the Astros don't have the pieces. They could swap Pence for Salty, but that still leaves a hole in center. They probably wouldn't move Pence anyhow.

Maybe the Cubs could put together a deal. Would Felix Pie be enough? It would solve Atlanta's center field need and allow the Cubs to let Michael Barrett walk. Barrett will probably get $8 million per year on the market.

Well, off to bed. It's getting late.

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Hey, Who Wants To Look At Chicks?

You know what doesn't get enough props around the blogosphere?

College Softball.

Well, I've got you covered. Your 2007 NCAA Softball Champions are the Arizona Wildcats. You may be wondering why the hell I know this, and, furthermore, why the hell I'd choose to blog about it. The answer to the first question is that, since I'm currently unemployed, and since I have what some may view as an alcohol problem, I've spent the past few weeknights hanging out at bars and watching sports. The answer to the second question is that the Lady Wildcats are a striking group of young women. Much more pleasing to the eye than those--dare I say--nappy headed ho's from Tennessee.

Is there anything sexier than an attractive co-ed with a sub-zero WHIP?

Well, actually yes. Yes there is.

That is Allison Stokke. Allison, 18, and headed off to UCLA is known by teenagers and young men around the internet for her exceptional pole vaulting abilities. I shit you not - she holds records and stuff. The problem lies in the fact that many of these teenagers and young men have taken notice of this young athlete for her looks rather than her talents. I mean, really creepy guys like this one.

Tired of all this unwanted attention, her dad even gave an interview to The Washington Post. Go figure.

Well, I'm certainly not going to pile that voyeur filth on this poor girl. If anyone can relate to being treated like a piece of meat while having obvious talents overlooked, it's me. Girls calling me over to their dorm rooms under the guise of studying. Feeling up my biceps at the bar while I try to explain the really interesting implications of String Theory. If it's happened once, it's happened a thousand times.

So for once can you just try to look past the superficial and instead focus on the beauty within. Oh, who am I kidding? You jackals don't care about anything but T & A. Who am I to deny a man of what he wants?

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Saturday, June 02, 2007

At World's End

How did you guy's like Hunter Pence's unofficial coming out party on national TV today? I loved it, Why you ask? Well, because he is on my fantasy team, I'm a huge Astros fan and I'm beginning to develop a man crush. Now that's the positive, let me delve into the negative for while.

Arrrrr, the negative be a deep and harsh mistress.

Don't I know it, The Astros have just got done losing ten games in a row and have overall lost eleven out of thirteen. The amount of runs they have scored in the ten loses has been enough to assist my hairline's rescission towards the top of my head. In contrast the amount of runs they have allowed their respective opponents to score has resulted in a spike in ticket sales for the Giant's and Diamondback's, however brief.

aye, but there be a light over the watery horizon.

True, as I and my fellow "Sadly Devoted to a Horrible Baseball Team Brother" Grahm well know, the NL Central is still not out of reach, the division is just that bad. Now Jason Jennings finally came back last week and pitched a pretty good game, Chris Sampson looks to be the legit 3rd starter and Matt Albers is back in the minors where he can rebuild his fragile frat boy ego from getting lit up like a Christmas Tree his last four outings in the Majors. Woody William's struck out nine in his last appearance and Carlos Lee is leading the Majors in RBI's. So the lining has a hint of silver to it.

Arrrrr, i fancy me silver, what be the course for such hopeless ship?

Well, glad you asked. Ya see the Astros play 16 outta 25 games on the road this month, the majority of those games are against the AL, Mariners, Angels, A's, White Sox and Ranger's. Bad News! If the Astros are going to pick it up their time is now, problem is it is not going to be easy. Not that it was easy before, you know what? Its gonna be hard as shit! This is it for the Astros, they have their rotation in order and its time to define themselves against the rest of the League

The Astros are now at Worlds End, just on the edge of falling off the NL's Oceanic Table. What resolve does such a team hold, to keep themselves afloat. Its seems time will be the deciding goddess when it come's to the Astros fate. That and scoring some fucking runs! Drink up me hardy's YOHO!

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Friday, June 01, 2007

Fried Day

(AP Photo/Duane Burleson)

Well, after stopping at Plucker's last night, I am quite glad it was the first day this week I got to sleep past 7:00am. Oh yeah. Quite the Drama Central last night on South Lamar last night, but I'll leave that crap untouched and move on to Lebron, Wie, and the losers of 15 of the last 22, the sorry-ass Cubs.

Lebron James. 48 points in 50 minutes, 9 boards, 7 dimes and 2 steals. Not a bad day at the office. But, much more impressive (or disturbing, depending upon your reference point) is that King James dropped 25 in a row to end the game, 29 of the last 30, hauling his Cavs up on his broad shoulders for the third straight game and kicking the once "guaranteed" Finals-bound Pistons back 109-107 in double-OT. Now it's up 3-2 and back home to Cleveland (cue Drew Carey) to try and wrap up an improbable comeback.

Does this NBA Playoff performance rank up there with the best of all time? Definitely. Does this mean the Cavs are going to roll on into the Finals? Absolutely not. Everyone keeps bringing up how this type of thing compares to Michael Jordan, and sure, it does. But, for those of us old enough to actually remember, Mike didn't win Championships when he was throwin' down like that with regularity. He won when the rest of the team came through. The Bulls finally won when others made those big shots (think Paxson and Kerr). The team came through together.

Now, I know Izzy and Gib are doing what they can to sort of chip in (like throwing five in on the $100 tab), the Cavs are far from team. In fact, this team is exactly like those pre-Championship Bulls teams. One man show, below average coach, dreams of glory but not quite getting there. When this is all said and done, and people realize the Cavs skated by a Wizards team minus Agent Zero and Caron, an overrated Nets team, and only won three games against the Pistons, then it'll settle in just as it is. A nice little story that adds up to a card or two short of a full house.

Not that three of a kind isn't a big time betting hand. Two pair on the other hand...

OK, let's say the Cavs somehow get by the Pistons. Then they're looking up (way up) at a true NBA team: The San Antonio Spurs. I don't think I need to say anything more about that. If I only had two words, how about Royal Flush.

On to other things. Did I just see that Michelle Wie, the "future" or whatever, just quit after going 14-over after 16 holes? I know "wrist injury". Yeah, yeah. Phil Mickelswithdrew as well, after 11 holes, but happened to be 1-under at the time. It was also only the second time in his 15 year professional career that he's withdrawn in the middle of a tournament, the other time being a 2004 bout with food poisoning. [Insert working brain cells here].

Donovan takes the money and runs to Orlando. Usually, I'd say something like, yeah, great job. See you back in College in a couple of years. Ya know, those "adults" in the pros don't like to listen to coaches. Just watch the Cavs when Davis speaks. But, for $27.5 mil, I just can't even rationalize what the hell that means. Besides desperation. At least they're in the East, and he's got a chance to make the playoffs. And it's a young team without "superstars". What the hell, give it a shot.

Now, on to the Cubs. As I watch Alfonso Soriano and his hundreds of millions of dollars take a week swing on a 2-2 count on a pitch about two inches off the ground, two inches outside, I think, Oh Yeah, these are the Cubs. Fuck. And I consult my list of self-help groups.

Texas' running back turned defensive end Henry Melton was arrested and charged with DWI last night. He's a junior. Wouldn't that make him a minor? Just checking. So here in Austin, we've got players with guns in their lap when the cops approach the car. When the cops approach the frickin' car! We've got players wandering around in an "unexplained stupor" up in the northern suburbs at 5 am. We've got weed charges, domestic assault charges, and one of the lowest graduation rates in the country. Nice. Welcome to SW Miami.

Hey, but they win, right? Business is Business.

I need a shower.


Go Cubs?

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