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"Lou is not talking about mechanics when he goes out to the mound,"
~Chicago Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Chad Johnson Is, In Fact, Hung Larger Than A Horse

(courtesy of USA Today) I hope that covers my legal obligations.

It's a well known fact here at Unrestricted View that Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco is the most awesomest man in the world. It's a lesser known fact that I have a Chad Johnson Fathead plastered to the wall of every room in my house. (Are you judging me?)

Noting that Joe Mauer was rapidly becoming my Number One Man-Squeeze, Johnson took it upon himself to regain the title by racing a horse.

And, of course, he won. To be fair, CJ was given a 100m head start in the 1/8 mile race, but anyone who discredits his accomplishment because of that is probably a racist. I don't play the race card often, but if you bash Chad Johnson, I'll toss it around all willy-nilly.

Johnson's ego is well documented, so it should come as no surprise that he's not willing to stop at equestrian racing.

"Floyd Mayweather, you're next," Johnson said. "I want to fight you. I'd like to take Kobe and LeBron one-on-one. Jeff Gordon, we can take a couple laps."

Yeah, yeah. But can you out-eat Kobayashi?

Or how about a game of Beer Pong with Billy Marks?

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