Unrestricted View

"Lou is not talking about mechanics when he goes out to the mound,"
~Chicago Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Going FJM on Scoop Jackson's chat

The posts on Unrestricted View have been few and far between as of the past two weeks. Since Graham has started a new job and taken over the Cubs Most Valuable Network site, Behind The Ivy, he hasn't had much time to rant about baseball and other sports on this page. Me? Well, mostly I just haven't found anything real intersting to talk about. I've also spent a lot of time reading things other than sports material, in effort to gain some more intellectual knowledge as I prepare for life after college graduation. Fortunately though, I do still find time to harrass Scoop Jackson on the rare occasion he "mans up" and does a chat with ESPN audience - of which I'm convinced 90% downright loathe him.

My main goal in chatting with Scoop is to point out his many grammatical errors, poor use of the English language, (as though he's even attempting to master it)and I attempt to bait him into saying something blatently racist. Oh, I also like to subtly demean his prior articles. Anyone who read his "article" in which he writes as though he is actually the voice inside Terrell Owens' head will soon see what I mean. Posted below are a few of my questions Scoop inexplicably decided to include in his chat, along with some questions from other people in which Scoop sounds like...well, Scoop, when he answers them. The very first question of the chat shows Scoop in his intrinsic Scoopness.

Vinny (jersey): bronx bombers or the boys from b"a"ston to win the east?

Notice how even Scoop's readers fail to use capitalization or complete sentences. This is the theme throughout a Scoop Jackson chat.

Scoop Jackson: Vin- man I don't know.
The fact that the yanks are ballin' and Madsui and Sheff are hurt and ARod might snap out of his funk scares me. But... any team with Papi on it, i gotta role with. So I'll say Sox get the East.

Way to start it off Scoop! I wouldn't expect anything less. Not only did you successfully use the word "ballin'" and "funk" in the very first sentence, but you also misspelled Matsui's name, used the word the word "role" when you meant to say "roll", and added ellipsis in a place much more suited for a comma. Kudos!

Donald (Kansas): What do you think abot Sir Charles running for office?

scoop Jackson: I was buggin' off the fact that he switched parties! How in the hell after all these years is he going to claim Democrat? But I guess he figures if Arnold cab nab Cali, ALA is wide open.

Let me explain a little bit of politics to you, Scoop. The party line you run under does not necessarily change your view on politics. Barkley is simply planning on running as a Democrat because the current governor is a popular Republican. Regardless, to my knowledge Charles has never committed to any particular political party. I thought he made it clear that he voted for Bush, but still considered himself an independent.

As for your last sentence about Arnold, I'm not sure if you meant to type "can nab" or if "cab nab" is some new street term I've yet add to my lingo.

Now a sarcastic question by yours truly!

Matt (San Marcos, Tx): Do you have any insight as to what Terrell Ownes is thinking right now as we speak?

Please give me what I want.

scoop Jackson: once i got outta TO's mind, I got out!!!

Degnabit! Oh well, I shall try again under the alias of Paul from Minnesota, who just happens to be my cousin.

Paul (Minneapolis): Do you think the Astros are a racist team because they only have 3 black players?

No way he takes this question. It's obvious he's being baited into saying something racist, right? Oh dear god, he took the question.

scoop Jackson: only if the Mets are racist for Minaya stacking his roster with Latinos. :-)

Now you could take this in one of two ways. You could take it as an astounding "NO" or you could take it as him saying not only are the Astros racist, but, I Scoop Jackson, am going to call Omar Minaya a racist to - completely unprovoked. I prefer the second interpretation.

Marcus (Oakland, CA): Why do you get the most ignorant questions asked of anyone else at espn?

Well, consider his audience, Marcus. What say you, Scoop?

scoop Jackson: b/c i'm probably the most ignorant writer at espn. the company just don't know it yet.

Nice. Probably the only question in this chat you answered better me. Sup Wit Dat?

Brian (Brooklyn): I like how you answer these questions without fully breaking it down, making theses cats go back and think and figure it out for themselves. I'm feelin that, especially that anomoly thing, pretty clever to have them turn the "across the board" thing the other way


scoop Jackson: you busted me!


Richard (New York): Who wins in fight you or simmons

scoop Jackson: Simmons. he makes more $$$ than me and has better lawyers.

There goes your street cred.

Bryant (Tulsa OK): Hey Scoop, How did you get in to journalism? I really would love to write but don't know how to get started.

Bryant, come on man. I know your from Tulsa, but I'll excuse that for a minute. My father once told me never to take advice from somebody you're smarter than. It's some of the best advice my pops ever gave me. So why in the name of fuck would you consider asking Scoop Jackson of all people for advice on how to get into the journalism field? That's like asking my buddy Rick's dad - who's been divorced 5 times - for relationship advice. Your better than this, Bryant!

I won't even post Scoop's response. It's irrelevent.

Rashard (Dallas): Can a black man get a question answered? Who is the most hood kat in the L right now? Stack or Artest?

Apparently, Rashard has a video connection with everyone in the chat room and can easily tell who is and isn't black. Now it's obvious Rashard has no such capability, but a moment let's assume he does. If I'm a black man who is constantly stereotyped against and is being ignored in a chat room, I would speak out and fight against that stereotype. Rashard has no such plans. As hypothetically the only black man in the room, the best thing he can think of to ask Scoop is whether or not Jerry Stackhouse is more "hood" than Ron Artest. Intelligent black people across America have Rashard from Dallas to thank for setting them back 10 years.

Just for kicks, let's see Scoop's answer.

scoop Jackson: Ron Ron is the person i would want to get mad, Stack is the one i wouldn't want to be mad at me. there's a difference. But hood? AI still rolls harder than anyone in the L. his 'hood" don't come off.

I can't comment after the next question. At this point in the chat I become very confortable. I imagine you will feel the same way. Those of you who are faint of the heart should end this reading now.

Johnny Mo. (South Boston, MA): Straight up and down Scoop is racist. No doubt about it. Everything is black(good) and white(bad). I have been reading up on Scoop since back in the day at SLAM and the whole time the man is on the "Nation Movement" tip. C'mon, man. You ain't no gangster you don't know the streets like you claim you do. I talked to dudes who say they knew you growin' up and they don't back you. Let it be man, just let it be. If you really got a point then it's all good, but it's all gotta stop 'cause it just ain't called for. As for the sportswriting speech you gave, it's hard for anyone to get on(sports writing) without the proper education. In the NBA you don't even need to be able to sign your name on those huge checks to get 'em. So if us city kids get in touble it's very hard for us to turn around and get a gig writing. I know, I'm tryin'. And I got skills. Now if my game was Greg Oden tight, it wouldn't matter about what I did before. That's all man. It's no one's fault but those of us who messed up as to why it is hard for us to get on. I'm 26, tryin' to get on with it but it's hard. You ain't seen nothin like me, so it irritates me to see you try and write like you know it. Take your own advice and "Keep It Real". I'm from the bricks I know what it's like to have your boy dead in your hands. You ain't with that. Let it be man, let it be.


scoop Jackson: On the real, if you knew or talked to cats that knew me comiung up or you talked to some of them dudes, then you really wouldnta wrote what you did. Never said i was gangsta, never said i was street. But trust me due, you don't KNOW me, or what i've been through. hard don't make you hard. Surviving does. And That's what I'd done against all odds. And if you knew me and knew my peoples you'ld know that. So before you start poppin' your gums about me and what you think i'm not, get your life right. stay the f outta mine.

DOUBLE SNAP!!!!!!!!!!

I'm scared.

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Blogger garrett said...

"My main goal in chatting with Scoop is to point out his many grammatical errors, poor use of the English language, (as though he's even attempting to master it)...

Anyone who read his "article" in which he rights as though he is actually the voice inside Terrell Owens' head will soon see what I mean."


12:47 PM  
Blogger Johnny Cakes but not gay said...

If writing the word "rights" there was for irony, then well-played young man.

Scoop sets black people back 50 years, not 10.

12:50 PM  
Blogger garrett said...

And the mispelling of Owens, I hope that was on purpose, too!

12:54 PM  
Blogger DBDR said...

"Posted below are a few of my questions Scoop inexplicable decided to include in his chat, along with some questions from other people in which Scoop sounds like...well, Scoop, when he answers them."

You used the wrong form of "inexplicable" (you should have used "inexplicably")...so I guess I should read your blog to point out your grammatical errors and poor use of the English language.

In other words, hello pot--the kettle is on line two for you.

1:48 PM  
Blogger DBDR said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

Point well taken on my own grammatical errors. I should have done some proof reading and spell checking before posting this.

My only defense is that the clock was approaching midnight and I was approaching my 12th beer.

Still, I do appear to be a hypocrite - albeit a drunk one - which I always find to be a little more endearing.

3:05 PM  
Blogger teddy higuera said...

You do know these blogspot entries come with an edit feature, right?
And I'm not quite sure what a "hood" or an "L" is.

3:51 PM  
Blogger killerbananas said...

i find your grammatical errors to be neither street nor gangsta - and thus unforgivable. scoop on the other hand, dat nigga keepsit reel.

1:41 PM  
Blogger J.D. Bolick said...

You misspelled "blatantly" as well. D'oh.

5:53 PM  
Blogger J Money said...

And "your."

11:39 PM  

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