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"Lou is not talking about mechanics when he goes out to the mound,"
~Chicago Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Being Joe Mauer

There's alot of talk in baseball about Joe Mauer this year, largely because his batting average was close to .400 for a good two to three weeks. As a Twins fan, I love all the attention he's getting. But I bet it can be tiring for others. So if I didn't have such a huge man crush on Mauer, here's 5 reasons I would hate him.

1. Those stupid, stick-on sideburns they hand out at the Metrodome for fans to wear. Truth be told, they're about as nerdy as wearing Spock ears to a Star Trek Convention.

2. Everytime the Twins play a road game, the opposing announcers go all ga-ga over Mauer for the full 9 innings. That must get mighty annoying for fans of the home team. Johan Santana and Francisco Liriano fall into this category as well.

3. He's dating Miss USA, Chelsea Cooley. I am just jealous of that.

4. His grandfather actually compared him to Ted Williams when he was still in diapers. No wonder he's sometimes called "The Golden Boy." A nickname like that is just one more reason to hate him.

5. He struck out only one time in his entire 4 year high school career. And I'm assuming that includes the ladies too. Basically, he succeeds ridiculously well at everything he does and he's wildly successful at age 23 - a year younger than me. That bugs me. I believe it's called "player hating."

Of course, since I am a Twins fan I overlook all these things and continue to talk about him for atleast 90 minutes of every Twins game - while wearing my stick-on sideburns and lusting over his girlfriend.

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