Unrestricted View: Being Joe Mauer

There's alot of talk in baseball about Joe Mauer this year, largely because his batting average was close to .400 for a good two to three weeks. As a Twins fan, I love all the attention he's getting. But I bet it can be tiring for others. So if I didn't have such a huge man crush on Mauer, here's 5 reasons I would hate him.

1. Those stupid, stick-on sideburns they hand out at the Metrodome for fans to wear. Truth be told, they're about as nerdy as wearing Spock ears to a Star Trek Convention.

2. Everytime the Twins play a road game, the opposing announcers go all ga-ga over Mauer for the full 9 innings. That must get mighty annoying for fans of the home team. Johan Santana and Francisco Liriano fall into this category as well.

3. He's dating Miss USA, Chelsea Cooley. I am just jealous of that.

4. His grandfather actually compared him to Ted Williams when he was still in diapers. No wonder he's sometimes called "The Golden Boy." A nickname like that is just one more reason to hate him.

5. He struck out only one time in his entire 4 year high school career. And I'm assuming that includes the ladies too. Basically, he succeeds ridiculously well at everything he does and he's wildly successful at age 23 - a year younger than me. That bugs me. I believe it's called "player hating."

Of course, since I am a Twins fan I overlook all these things and continue to talk about him for atleast 90 minutes of every Twins game - while wearing my stick-on sideburns and lusting over his girlfriend.